i dont really no what to do write:/ what ever i do nothing seems to get much better. i try and put on a smile and tell my self none of this bothers me but it does i cant control the tears that role down my face anymore i just want to put my whole life on pause. i try and help my friends but tbh i dont think i help much at all. i dont understand what most of them are going through and some of the things i probably wont ever understand. i try putting them first not me, because i just want them to be happy but i cant do this anymore. i cant keep trying to get nothing, i'm not gonna give up on them, but i just want a break.
i have these two people who i call my bestfriends but they dont get along. soo they always argue and i always get pulled into the middle of it all and have to end up cheering them both up. somedays i just wish they would get along, because it makes everything so hard. i cant be with them both at the same time.
arghhh. i cant explain how i feel rite now, its like i feel sorry for my self but i dont want to because its stupid to, but then i cant stop my self feeling like it. i just want everything to get better, because i dont wanna cry anymore and i dont want them to either. just gonna end it here cause i aint really making any sence.
Monday, 29 March 2010
Sunday, 28 March 2010
first blog
soo i dont really no where to start i am kinda new to all of this, but i did use to do blogs on good old bebo. well 2010 what can i say i thought this year was gonna be the year where every thing was amazing, i had sucha good feeling about this year and well its nothing like i expected or wanted. i said to myself at the start of the year i am gonna write a journal everyday to keep track of what i've done and look back at it next year and think wow. but the thing is i just stopped because what was the point in writing about how upset angry and annoyed i felt, i'm not gonna wanna look back on a year that was just full of shit am i? so the other day i decided to take a look back on it and heres what i wrote one day
" words cant descibe a feeling so strong. makes you feel lost, broken, someones dog shit and finally its just got to much, i fucking miss you but to you i am nothing, least i know why i shouldnt have a bf. THATS IT. No more tears for you. no more what ifs. its over, i have to learn to face it. i love you ***, but thats it you've hurt me and i aint taking anymore. if you cbb go find someone else! FUCK OFF! i love you so much i hate you" so sometimes you think that someone may never hurt you and you will never lose them. but sometimes you have to lose someone because it gets to a point when being friends with them is just hurting yourself.
i've got lots to say but i'm not the best at writing all my feelings down i prefar to write a song type thing, but heres something else i wrote
"We walked into this year as friends but the few months past and now we are nothing. slowly the memories faded behind us, we didn’t try to get them back, not once. I pass you in the corridor i smile you smile, both knowing nothing will ever be the same again. I helped you when you fell, i picked you back up, never giving up. I said your my best friend, that i will always be here, i still am, but i realised you don’t need me anywhere near. I carried on the same as before, because i knew know different." i didnt finish it but do you ever get a time where you just need to write how your feeling down and some how try and make sence of your self and what your going to do about it, well i do. this year hasnt been easy but it hasnt been easy for alot of my friends. i thought nothing could get worse then 2009 but i think already 2010 has topped it.
sometimes i just wish i could put a smile on everyones faces and make everything be okay, but i cant. so i just do my best to listen to them, support them and make them laugh or smile and hope it works. i care so much for my friends sometimes i dont no if they realise, lots of people just say "mer i give up on life" but i dont, because giving up is nothing and if i give up then that means i am giving up on my friends and theres no way i am doing that.
but 2010 hasnt been all bad(: looking forward to the easter holidaayss! watching green mile with jackua and georgie, gonnaa meet mrr joness hopefully[yn] andd maybe mr woodmaaan agaaain:D and take a trip to the aleeex bricknellss witth chlo co pops and have our boots meal deal. andd maybee even a georrrg george chloe shannon sleeep over[yn] filmm daay with my assh & tess is in neeed. ohh and of course a good bestest day with mr thomassss and a randddom daay with the luke mingo. i laaaav you guys soo soo much. with out i am nothing, so THANKYOU. thinkk thats it for noww i aint even made any sencee soo sorrrry(A) but the bits you can make sence of i hope you like:]
" words cant descibe a feeling so strong. makes you feel lost, broken, someones dog shit and finally its just got to much, i fucking miss you but to you i am nothing, least i know why i shouldnt have a bf. THATS IT. No more tears for you. no more what ifs. its over, i have to learn to face it. i love you ***, but thats it you've hurt me and i aint taking anymore. if you cbb go find someone else! FUCK OFF! i love you so much i hate you" so sometimes you think that someone may never hurt you and you will never lose them. but sometimes you have to lose someone because it gets to a point when being friends with them is just hurting yourself.
i've got lots to say but i'm not the best at writing all my feelings down i prefar to write a song type thing, but heres something else i wrote
"We walked into this year as friends but the few months past and now we are nothing. slowly the memories faded behind us, we didn’t try to get them back, not once. I pass you in the corridor i smile you smile, both knowing nothing will ever be the same again. I helped you when you fell, i picked you back up, never giving up. I said your my best friend, that i will always be here, i still am, but i realised you don’t need me anywhere near. I carried on the same as before, because i knew know different." i didnt finish it but do you ever get a time where you just need to write how your feeling down and some how try and make sence of your self and what your going to do about it, well i do. this year hasnt been easy but it hasnt been easy for alot of my friends. i thought nothing could get worse then 2009 but i think already 2010 has topped it.
sometimes i just wish i could put a smile on everyones faces and make everything be okay, but i cant. so i just do my best to listen to them, support them and make them laugh or smile and hope it works. i care so much for my friends sometimes i dont no if they realise, lots of people just say "mer i give up on life" but i dont, because giving up is nothing and if i give up then that means i am giving up on my friends and theres no way i am doing that.
but 2010 hasnt been all bad(: looking forward to the easter holidaayss! watching green mile with jackua and georgie, gonnaa meet mrr joness hopefully[yn] andd maybe mr woodmaaan agaaain:D and take a trip to the aleeex bricknellss witth chlo co pops and have our boots meal deal. andd maybee even a georrrg george chloe shannon sleeep over[yn] filmm daay with my assh & tess is in neeed. ohh and of course a good bestest day with mr thomassss and a randddom daay with the luke mingo. i laaaav you guys soo soo much. with out i am nothing, so THANKYOU. thinkk thats it for noww i aint even made any sencee soo sorrrry(A) but the bits you can make sence of i hope you like:]
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)