hmm

i dont really no what to do write:/ what ever i do nothing seems to get much better. i try and put on a smile and tell my self none of this bothers me but it does i cant control the tears that role down my face anymore i just want to put my whole life on pause. i try and help my friends but tbh i dont think i help much at all. i dont understand what most of them are going through and some of the things i probably wont ever understand. i try putting them first not me, because i just want them to be happy but i cant do this anymore. i cant keep trying to get nothing, i'm not gonna give up on them, but i just want a break.
i have these two people who i call my bestfriends but they dont get along. soo they always argue and i always get pulled into the middle of it all and have to end up cheering them both up. somedays i just wish they would get along, because it makes everything so hard. i cant be with them both at the same time.
arghhh. i cant explain how i feel rite now, its like i feel sorry for my self but i dont want to because its stupid to, but then i cant stop my self feeling like it. i just want everything to get better, because i dont wanna cry anymore and i dont want them to either. just gonna end it here cause i aint really making any sence.