I need motivation.

I'm sitting here and I've finally realised I'm lacking complete motivation. I've always found it hard to motivate myself and normally find myself trying to escape or hide away from decisions and jobs that need to be done. But I'm fed up. Life right now just seems so confusing. Everything seems like one big rushed decision. In the past few months I had to decide whether I was going to University this year and if I did where I wanted to go and what I wanted to study. I left it so late to decide. My whole life i've wanted to be successful, all I've ever wanted is to grow up and earn my way through life with a happy family. When you're younger you have these ideas of what would be your'dream job!' Here are just some of mine; I wanted to be a teacher, an actress, an illustrator, an author, a food taster (I liked food okay... don't judge) I thought I could be in the olympics and become a famous sprinter! I really liked that idea. I imaged myself being Kelly Holmes, who isn't even a sprinter! What an idiot. Even a famous netball player. Then I reached the age of 13 and I then came to like the idea of being a counsellor or psychologist. I wanted to help people. I wanted to help children and adolescents. This seemed like a great idea, I could earn good money and help people. The two things that I wanted most. But now i'm 17 and at the end of the year I possibly could be starting this journey. So why am I not motivated? Why am I not pushing myself? I thought this would be fun, exciting. But I'm not smiling. Is it that I'm just scared of moving away, is it because I've made a wrong decision or have I just got nerves. Each day just seems to pass so fast, all I want is time to think but I can't. I just constantly feel confused. Nothing ever seems like the 'right' decision. I need motivation. I need guidance. I need to do what makes me happy, what's right for me. And I need to decide now. All I can say is fuck of decisions, fuck off life.