welll.. hmm.

i'm sorry for another one of these depressing crappy little blogs but tbh this is like one thing that always helps me, just writing it all down. well i ain't gonna be all sad anymore cause look where its got me, no where. i let it take over me, just walk all over me. And now it's got to my friends to, i don't no what it is, it's almost like a illness, it just puts you in these seriously impossibly shit moods, where you just want to scream, cry, punch and shout, when you don't care what your actually doing, whether it hurts you or the people around you and its driving me crazy. its stupid, its perfetic and i have had enough. i was talking to my friend the other day and just by me being able to trust her and talk to her helped me out LOADS. i hope i havnt put too much pressure on her cause i understand its alot to take on board. but it was amazing how i could just talk to her, and no it hasnt taken away the problem completely but it's weighed it out abit. anyway the reason why i wanted to write a blog;

i have simply had enough of fighting for this, to be knocked down. i can't do anything to make it better, cause anything i do, do makes it worse. but i just want it to go away, i under stand things change and people move on, and friends come and they go, but i didnt want this person to go, but i think i'm just going to let them do what they want, because its hurting me, its hurting me down deep. but i cant say anything to them, because its never gonna get sorted like that, its up to them and them alone. but i'm not something thats gonna be there when you want & go away when you have got sick of me, i'm just not.

exams.. ha well they suck really dont they. i have a crap science teacher, all i want is my B so i caaan do the course i want to in collegee but no its to hard to teach me. MERR. graphics i am abit worried about but at the end of the day its not the end of the world and tbh at least i get all these opportunities, so i am gonna take it all in my stride & just do my best:)

smileee laughhhh do what you want & say how you feel else your not gonna get what you want out of life.
tiss alllllllllllllllllll. loveee it.

some small thoughts within ones mind.

once a person begins to doubt ones self thats when the people around them will doubt that too. - just a thought that went through my mind today:)

a short poem its not that good but i tried[a]

bestfriend

When I am feeling down and my eyes are filled with tears,
And I am nervous and scared and have so many fears,

When it all gets too much and I lose the strength to stand,
& i feel like i’m falling but you catch me before I land,

You pick up the pieces, you keep me strong,
Without you, everything would be wrong,


I can’t explain how much you mean,
To be without you is hopefully unseen

I just want to say I love you and I care,
And when ever you need me I will always will be there.

to miss the past is easy, to bring it back is impossible.

so many people put on a smile and hide the upset and anger inside,only if life was easy and everyone could just live freely. no judgement, no upset, no anger, no disagreement, just in peace & happieness.

sunsunsun musicmusicmusic foodfoodfood friendsfriendsfriends laughinglaughinglaughing lovelovelove hugshugshugs <3 :]

to wish you were someone else, is a waste of who you are.

one smile can go a long way. so remember no matter how your feeling, smile as much as you can.

tisss all for now:)

no longer.

i waited and waited but i knew it wasnt coming, i wished, i begged, i prayed but that wasn't about to change anything, i miss you and this proberly sounds horrible but i don't know why, i never saw you, well a few times a year, but i miss you and it hurts you were my family, i miss seeing you those couple days a year, i miss the birthday cards, i miss your voice asking me how have i been & if i would like a drink, it sounds so stupid, but to me it isnt. i know your in a better place, i know i really do but nothing can stop me missing you. when i opened up my cards this year, trying not to break into tears knowing i wouldnt get one from you and uncle douglus, rip auntie joyce, i love you and will always miss you.

loosing someone can be hard, friend or family member, neighbour or pet, i have lost one of each in the past 2 years and i am telling you it hasnt been easy. but i know crying isnt going to help, all i can do is treasure the time i had with them and be greatful i knew them. auntie joyce, jackie, jamie and patchie and my baby sheba and ozzy rip i love you all. see you in heaven.

missing someone who you havn't met, is that possible? missing some who was never a big part of your life, but you wanted them to be. wishing things went different so they would still be here. wishing someone cared that little bit more about you. wanting to know what it feels like to have people like that in your life. you only live once and well somedays i just wish i had you lot there.

sorry if this blog sounds sad, i am happy just a few things on shannons mind:)

as the years go.

slowly each year comes and goes, all different but similar in their own way. you have the fall outs, the make ups, the break ups, the smiles, the tears, the hugging someone so hard you never want to let go cause you're scared your gonna lose them or the looking at someone for ages because your glad you have them by your side.
i'm 14 and 15 in just three days, yess i am excited but almost scared because it feels as i am stuck in one place as i get older & older, i feel the same as i did when i was in first school, i just feel as if i will never be ready to grow up, to live my own life, to make a living. surely i shouldnt be worryiny right, like i said i am a teenager these are meant to be the BEST years of my life, but i cant help but worry, because its took me so long to realise, that being young is going to be best years of my life and you only live once. i scared i'm scared i will lose the people i call my best friends and i guess i cant except that.
these past two years i have grown up and learnt alot about my self; i'm sensitive, i'm loud, i have the quickest mood changes its unbelievable, i laugh when i shouldnt, i smile when i can, i block my feelings out till i'm alone and then cry and ask my self why? i can't ever really make sence of my selfs, & i am shite at making desisions, & more, and reading that over i have found something else about me i can be very negative even when i dont wanna be.
right now i am focusing on my gcse's, woo how much fun right, especially when you have amazing teachers -_- haa i wish lol. naa, i am just gonna keeep pushing my self because i really wanna do well:] most subjectss predicted b's & a's & a couple a* which i was completely over the moon about, i felt soo happpy it was unbelievable, i was actually capable of that. And then i went to my drama teacher, who was praising me & spotting out my strong points & i just felt really good about my self. someone telling me i wasnt completely useless felt good, and i'm not saying any of my friends say i am, but you no when you get that feeling & you feel just completly useless, and not needed, andd abitt merrr. well i guess i was just being silly because someone who is completely useless doesnt have friends like i do, like i said its my birthday in three days and well i feel so happy to be spending it with them. fingers crossed, spite the weather i shall have a amazing day:) well i am going to leave it on that happy note now its not finished but i am tired & wanna watch eastenders so night peoples & stay happy :)