understanding this

i could put on a front like i'm not sad inside, i could put on a front so you cant see the tears i am fighting, i could lie everytime you say how are you and i say i am ok. i could look at you with this great big smile and laugh until my stomache hurts, i can say i dont care a billion times for me just to be thinking its the only thing i care about. could be the smallest thing that could set me of it, it could be the smallest thing to remind me but all i see is these same thoughts day in day out. to only think its normal. so young to be sick of life, so young to care. but when your faced with all these things, these changes, what do you do? feels like everyone says there ok, when there not, just plugs in & shuts the whole world out.

you no what i trusted you. i believed you when you said, 'shannon no matter what happens i will always have time for you, you've been there for me through a lot & thats the least you deserve' but look.. where are you? not here and it hurts. a billion people could tell me your not worth it, but nothing can be said to stop how much i care for you, how much i want you to just come up to me & give me a big hug & say i'm sorry, but its not going to happen unless i make that first move to say something, but you no what i dont want to, i'm scared what you'll say, i'm scared that in reality this could all be my fault, i'm scared that you will just say you dont care and its best i just let go. but i need you, i really needed you. and thats all there is too it. i have told you things that i could never tell anyone else & i suppose i havnt told anyone else. but right now all that i told you has come back to me, not that it went.

i'm not sure if i miss you or i am just angry that i lost you. there was a time when we were so close, that losing you was never a thought, never a option. but its been over a year since we started to drift and no longer can i count on you. no longer are you some one who would come running when i'm down, who i could relie on to catch me when i fall. you've changed and it just gets to me. each day when i see you, i just wish we could at least say hi, i hate it. i helped you when you needed me, i did my best to boost you back up but i obviously didnt do enoough.

i annoy myself how i cant talk about it, i annoy myself how i dont give one person the chance to understand, but how to you just blurt all this out, the only thing someone ever says it i am sure its just getting to you, it will all be alrite or maybe you need some sleep or i am sure its not that bad, or they look at you thinking how pathetic are you seriously, i have been through far worse. but when you feel like your stuck this road & you cant get of it.

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ok totaL random one but erghhhh you annoy me. the stupid little things, all you ever do is complainn... when i was a kidd things were like this bla bla, you cant even clean your own facking plate because you've been working all day & then if anyone else gets food its why dont you offer me, then you go get a fat ass piece of cake make the most annoying noises & just have to irritate me.

not finished but meh.