Well 36 blogs later and a lots gone on.. not all so positive, but then sometimes i think i take for granted what i have. i don't really appreciate it until its gone. so i was thinking last night about a quote which came from the heart and head.
When you reach a place when you feel the only option is giving up, don't. Stand and be strong, remember through every dark patch the light will shine. Appreciate what you have, while you have it. Live for today, not yesterday. Create the unthinkable, be who you truly are.
today was a day i wanted to remember, today was meant to be a day that was special. today was the day that me and my ex boyfriend would have been together for 6 months. but instead it was a day for thinking about what i don't have and about the people fighting for my country. today i did not cry, i did not let myself get low, because sometimes things happen which you cant control and sometimes not everything is meant to be how much it may feel it could last forever. no one can understand how one may feel they can only try. so many people in worse situations then myself, which i think has helped the tears. My friend once said love scars, but the scars make the person you are today. Which i suppose is very true. Yesterday when i was watching Pride of Britain awards, i thought to myself.. if a small boy can fight cancer twice and still come out the other side with a smile on his face and a 12 year old girl can save childrens lifes in a fire, then simply being me is not all that hard. In the past two years i have changed because of the dramatic changes i have experienced, i have had to say good bye to 4 people i care about and 2 animals and nearly lost another. i have gained and lost best friends, i have been lied too, I've been stabbed in the back, i have been dragged along, i have been heart broken. but each person can make a list of what they've been through and how much pain they are feeling but not many people can get back up again and stand strong and actually accept whats happened and get on with there lives. many people will hold grudges, many people will plan revenge, many people will sit and cry but i don't want to be one of those people, i want to be someone who can smile through every thing that's thrown at them.
falling in love brang us so close, too only push us apart. one year can turn your life around to turn it straight back again.
sitting with no emotion, thoughts going through your head.
feeling exhausted and tired as you sit upon your bed.
reaching out for happieness, trying to catch that smile.
you wait and think, is this someone testing me, am i on trial?
your walking through the dark days, searching for the light.
your confused of how you feel and your chest is feeling tight.
turning to the mirror, you look at yourself, in shame, in dissapointment..
you see you loosing yourself again.
my next blog is going to be about something a little different :) so i hope this was ok for tonight, night bloggers :)
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