How to think, what to do.

August 12th 2012, 4 days until I get my results. I don't know what to think or how to act to the build up until opening that envelope only to what I think will not be what I want to see. It's difficult because I know it's too late to change it and I know I did what I could at the time; I know I was scared before my exams, full of nerves. I know I didn't do my best and I wish I just pushed my self from the start. By the time I wanted things to change it was too late for me to turn things around. I want to actually enjoy next year and make the most of what could be my final year of college where I still have some kind of support barrier. I need to kill the nerves and just accept what will be, will be. But it's not that easy. These results determine what happens for me next year, if I don't get on A2 Psychology wtf will I do. Do I start it again? Only maybe to fail again if I don't pull my weight. Or is it not for me? I suppose writing this I wanted to ease myself, let it out and hopefully feel better. But I don't. Recently I've felt quite neutral to everything, I don't feel happy nor sad. I don't like it though, I was to feel happy, I want to worry less. I've worked a lot these summer holidays just trying to save so maybe just maybe it would make me worry less about money. ASDFGH. ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Changing the subject all together, you have kind of annoyed me just letting it come back into your life, being nice to it, after they were so horrible and sly. But they have that power, I suppose you feel you just have to but they don't deserve you, they don't deserve anyone at the moment. They need to know what it feels like to be pushed aside, ignored, led on, crushed, mind fucked, they need to understand what kind of person they are. And what they've done isn't right and they shouldn't do it again. ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Anyway I'm going Bristol with my Chloe tomorrow and I am very excited a bit of retail therapy is always nice, not even going to think about college, results, work, males or any other shit that just gets me down. Just going to enjoy the day and do what the hell I like. I have work at half 2 today until 6 so it isn't too bad only 3 1/2 hours! Lets just hope it flies by. Now it's time to pack my bag, wrap Tessa's presents and listen to some music. WOOO. Fxck people.