Words

It's my fault. You're speaking about me. You hate me. I should have done better. I should have tried harder. You don't understand me. I'm being stupid. Stop crying. Start smiling. Don't crack. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop hating yourself. How can I? I hate you. Stupid Shannon. Shut the hell up.

4 things that girls do which annoy me.

So I thought i'd jump on the bandwagon and do a list of things that I dislike about a particular subject my first one being '5 things that girls do which annoy me'. 1. So the first thing I can't stand is girls who can't just have normal eye-brows, they either pluck them to death and draw thin lines on their face so they constantly look in shock or draw something which looks more like a caterpillar than a eye brow. I think they call it the 'scouse brow' but seriously it's hideous. Please just leave your eye-brows alone until you actually know how to make them look normal. 2. Girls who pretend to be stupid, I don't understand how this is meant to attract someone? You laugh like an idiot and act like a 5 year old. Your voice is just irritating more than anything. "HEHE" "NO SHUT UP." Pretending that you didn't realise gravity existed isn't cool. 3. Sluts, the girls who give us a name. Who post pictures over Facebook practically wearing nothing or with their bra popping out their top because that's obviously really hot!? Not. You act all innocent, like boys are the only players yet you are like a yo-yo. Complain you don't have anyone to hug more like probably fuck. But seriously you give us all name, so why not do something sensible like get dressed before you take your next photo and try not to be every boys one night stand. Earn some darn respect. 4. Fakes, this one kind of relates to number 3 & 1 but slightly different. Girls who are just constantly fake relating to their appearance & their personality. They feel the need to be someone they're not, always trying to impress others with their stupidity. I don't understand why you want to look like an Oompa Loompa & act like the next Regina George. Just be yourself and if this is 'you' then just go burry yourself in a hole in shame. Okay so I was going to do 5 but I genuinely can't think of another of the top of my head. So yea... thanks for reading hoes.

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I'm a pessimist my mind eats away at it's own positivity. I've got a second University offer, but I'm still not happy. There is still something wrong. I constantly maximalise every problem, escalating something small into something big. There is no winning in my head. Even when I'm with someone, I'm alone. I get paranoid about the most stupidest things. There's parts of me that know it's just me being silly, but there's this other part that can't quite understand it all. That hates me. That won't let me be happy. I doubt myself until there's nothing else to doubt. I want it to go away. I just want to get through this year with the grades I need & hopefully with a great future at University ahead of me. I will try, but I know I can try harder. I know there's still more I can do, I just wish I could persuade myself that I am good enough and trying harder will make a difference.

End of 2012

So it's mid December and another year has passed. It's crazy how much has changed and happened. I've met some lovely people this year and experienced some amazing memories. From my Christmas work party to Bristol shopping with my best-friend Chloe.. unfortunately no lovely holidays abroad or trips to London. But I haven't done badly! Not that I can remember right now what I've actually done. Still spending another Christmas alone while my sister's are all loved up & starting their families. It is shit being 6/7 years younger than your siblings. Maybe next year ay? Or not.. I say this every year and so far every year I have been lonely! But I do love spending Christmas with my family, don't get me wrong.. but a few cuddles when it's cold outside & someone to share your bed with at night would just make everything nicer. Oh and if i'm making a list of a perfect boyfriend.. then I might as well include someone who will make me hot milkshakes & smell amazing. Okay.. I get it; i'm weird, I'm attracted to scent. So what. Sew me. But anyway talking about next year.. this time next year I'll be coming home for University and now that is something I don't think I'll get my head round until I'm actually there, experiencing it all. I am excited but I'm scared, I finally get to just experience things for myself, gain some independence. I genuinely think I'll miss my work though, it's only recently I've realised how lucky I am.. I get to work somewhere I enjoy. No matter what there's always a bit of banter, but that's not surprising when you literally just work will all males. My manager buys me drinks on a night out and sweets and whatever else I fancy when I'm at work! Made some great friends and without a doubt always find a way to have a laugh. Let's just say I hope it continues. I actually quite like this time of year, put up my fairy lights, lit my candles and put a bit of tinsel around my room! Even get to put my heated blanket on at night and snuggle up with my blanket! So to end this blog let's reminisce about 2012, so first things first.. I learnt to drive, I was a bridesmaid for my first time, I managed to be home alone for a week & I didn't die, made it to A2, successfully got a conditional offer from Cardiff Met University, had a job for a year-impressive, buy a car, buy a mac, enjoy myself & I'm going to definitely end it on a high with my New Years party. Here's to an amazing 2013.

The end of another year

It's coming closer to the end of yet another year. It's 21 days until Christmas and 27 until new years. I want to have a party so badly. With all the drinking games, all the people I care about, fireworks, drink, great food and even more importantly great music! I really want to have an amazing night. But that won't happen. Sorry for sounding all pessimistic but sometimes we all have to accept the reality. It never happens, so the chances of it happening now are less so. But maybe it could happen.. asdfgh I dunno. I'll think about it. Sitting in my room and not really knowing what to do with myself, I don't want to be down stairs because either it's shit tv or my dad complaining about how stressed he is, which is never fun, I may not be 6 anymore but that shit can still effect you, even more so now. So my other option which the one I normally go for is sitting in my room either attempting coursework, listening to music, watching endless youtube videos or tv. But i'm feeling so fed up with everything! Stupid car is being shit and dying on me, as well as my phone & my ipod. Then there's christmas & saving up for Uni, just screwed really. Wish I had a money tree then shit would be okay. ohhhh and another lonely christmas, yaaaay me. asdfgh errggggh fuck it all. moan moan moan. rant rant rant. feel better now! noooot.