realisation.

ok this is only going to be a small blog but just needed to get it out.

10-7-10 the day you were took, seems only like yesterday, the day wasnt going well as it was, broke my friends camera & then some little bitch decided it would be fine to just come up & grab her by the neck well.. while i just sat there. what an idiot right, let your best friend get grabbed by some physco. hmm. i'm sorry. i just didnt no what to do.. but then to come back to that. i just couldnt understand it, the tears werent just streams they were waterfalls, my legs shook like a earth quake, my face red with fear and anger, how could he not be here anymore is all i could think, how could this be happening. WHY. is the question that kept occurring. to get the answer i dont no i just dont no.

but as i sat in the ceremony for my final good bye, the tears came back. the man who spoke, read a poem out saying everytime you feel like your going to cry for me dont, smile for me & remember all the memories we shared. but as i cried i smiled, i looked to my right to see my sister crying as i looked to my left my mum & dad, he sat there not moving just staring to the right where the coffin lay. no tears ran down his face not a drop, but as we drove to the wake, going over the memories, it began to sink in, his tears began to run. each memory you look over can make you smile but feel sadness in the loss. its strange knowing you cant see someone ever again, when it feels like only yesterday you saw them. its already 2-8-10 the date also rings a bell. sheba cutting, yes a cat. but to me my friend, when i was little, i thought i was different. i used to tell her everything and she was the only person i felt i could talk to & when her & patchie left me. i felt alone. 2-8-05 rip sheba i miss you.

missing some one can happen even if its years apart to hours or minutes. but i think i rather miss someone who is still here then someone who can never come back. i have come to realise that even when someone is not here with you, there up with you & always will, its not the years in your life, its the life in your years.

Leigh
Patchie
Jackie
Jamie
Auntie Joyce
Ozzy
Sheba
RIP <3