Tight throat, thumping chest, tears stream, heavy breaths. Just another silly argument right, we can all go inside watch tv and everything will be fine, actually not just fine perfect. No. It does not work like that, I don't cry to then act as nothing is wrong, I may be good at pretending but i'm not lying to myself anymore. You pushed it, you pushed me; that little bit too far. I'm tired of staying quiet and holding back, so many people are just shoving me closer and closer to the edge. Either when I'm made to not feel good enough, just a back up, you'll ask me when everyone else says no. Or then there is you, the person who's effort in friendship died many months ago.. along with what feels like everybody else's but one or two. I just want Saturday to be fine, no arguments, no tension, just smiles, drunken dancing and lots of laughing. But right now I am dreading Saturday. Need to do something to make me feel better about everything. Time to get ready for bed, maybe that will make me feel better. asdfgh. Sleep then work tomorrow morning and seeing Tessa! lyfff sukkkks. KMN.