Doing it for myself.

So the title may sound quite selfish, but I've finally realised in life sometimes you have to do stuff for yourself as well as the people around you. And only recently since discovering this have I started to do more for myself. I was talking about College with a friend and she has the best work ethic ever. I've never met someone who could just spend all their free time revising, waking up early just to revise, taking a subject she didn't like just because she was good at it and that's all that mattered when it came down to it. I was envious. I wanted to be able to work hard, I wanted to get up early to revise. I wanted to do well. But I couldn't. I have an A* in procrastination but that isn't helpful at all, if anything very unhelpful. Then we discussed why we work. She responded I do the extra work and I take a course I dislike because I know it will be worth it in the end, one year of a subject I don't like is nothing compared to what it will get me. Which I realised was true. The only time I work is because 1. I don't want to fail - but not because I care about me, but because I care that much about what people think of me. Fail to me reads a big sign saying you fail this, you fail at everything and this is the sign everyone sees when they see me. So I thought. I always do my work but only at last minute because I don't like being in trouble and I don't want a guilty conscience. I always want things, but I expect to get what I want in days, weeks not months or years. So this is when I decided I need to work hard for me and me only. Since then I haven't gone a day with out revising which is definitely the opposite of how I was. It's funny how one conversation can have such a dramatic change on your day to day life.