exhausted

So i am completely exhausted & my feelings are raw. any little thing that happens is effecting my mood. the stupidest things, even when i know someones joking & i dont understand why.

when one thing goes up the other down. then when something good comes along i am already pushing it away. well i feel like i could be. why do i have to be so sensitive? why do i have to care about every little thing.

its been months now. these stupid thoughts never leave my head. over and over. no escaping. because no one could understand, because i couldnt begin to explain. i want my mind to rest but it doesnt, until i go into this foolish overdrive mode. where i could scream & hit/kick anything i see. then when i try to cover it up, i begin to make myself look like somekind of fool. everything i do messes up.

then suddenly the people who are meant to make me feel better just add to it. make me feel more of an idiot. so i dont no what i am meant to do with myself.. because i'm not the only one going through crap. so sitting back & just watching it happen suits me best. because theres nothing else that can be done.

all i reallyy feel like doing is erasing the past 2 years & starting them fresh. because thats where i fell & i'm still falling now. some days i feel as if i'm getting myself back up other days i feel like its happening all over again.

you can forgive & forgive & forgive but if you cant forget then thats when you become to realise you havn't really forgiven.

people walk in & out your life all the time, but sometimes you have to try & figure out who the ones are worth caring about. i've had people walk over me, more then once & tbh what hurts the most is helping someone then them basically slapping you back in the face with it. like you did nothing for them. time after time.. it happens but i never realise there not genuine and there not there to stay.

ahhh just makes me angry.

so .. i cbb to say anymore just not in the mood.