why?

why is it when i am slowly getting to grips with things and accepting that you've moved on that i'm not needed anymore.. that suddenly you want me back. why is it when i finally pick up the courage to accept that i am no longer something to you.. that its all suddenly so different. its like i am happy but i'm not.. was the present you go me a symbol of remembering what we had but you were moving on? was it just showing how much you care or did it have no meaning. i just dont understand, how or why it happened.. we were so close like brother & sister. i told you alot of things that i wouldnt dare tell anyone else. i had a lot of trust in you, would want to be there for you though anything, i really thought we would get over our rough patch after all that stuff happened.. but i guess i felt pushed away more then anything & i suppose you could just say i let you go, but slowly day by day i saw you less until we just didnt speak.. i said sarcasticly ha see you in 5 weeks, but on the inside just wishing you would turn around and say to me dont be silly shannon, you will see me sooner then that, your not getting rid of me that quickly. but you didnt. nothing like it. a week passed, & you felt better you said sorry & i felt a bit better just hoping we would be alrite(yn) but things werent amazing shall i say.. losing someone else already & i didnt wanna lose you, but now shes gone. shes moved on, probably for the best. but you, it was different. i tried to make it obvious i wanted to see you, i even tried arranging something but you were to busy, to busy for me. i dont no if i just took it the wrong way..i dont no if you didnt mean to hurt me, but it did. i just felt like i was dropped & hit rock bottom. then realising you hadnt just moved on & got a girlfriend which tbh i was very happy for you, you had moved on & got a new best friend. & you could say i had bestfriends too.. but i tried to make sure you new you werent being replaced. we went back to school.. first day fat hug. my thoughts; its all gonna be ok.. but is it, does he need me really? am i anything special. no. few weeks passed the smiles fanished.. walk past each other as we didnt no one anothers names. it just didnt seem right.. so night after night i thought about it, never understanding where it all went wrong? then i came down ill only for a week, it was strange.. didnt no what it was, i thought it must have been stressed related because nothing else showed up, & i guess i felt myself breaking. the person who was always the smiling, strong person was letting her true sensitive fragile person show. everyone was really kind about it though, asking if i was ok, telling me to take it easy. but you, you didnt even know & some nights i just felt like walking up to you & saying what happened, because i miss you & i need you, i'm sorry i really am. yay here the tears come hay. but suddenly i dont no whats happened i finally tried getting myself around the fact things change.. its year eleven & i just have to focus on myself & school. but you started talking to me, i couldnt ignore you, i didnt want to. i felt happy but confused. we've been so much surely this little thing shouldnt be that hard for me to get over. but i guess, i've changed & it all got to much. now just left confused & not really knowing what to do next.

i am sorry.