Time

So a few weeks ago if I didn't get a text from you i'd be bothered, actually more than bothered actually quite distraught because stupidly I had feelings for you which grew a lot over time. But with mere strength and self persuasion they are slowly being crushed because I'm not ready to get hurt again, especially as this is already hurting now. I don't want to be another one on your list or the one you speak to when you feel like it, how you make out you care so much, that you're concerned when i'm upset is bullshit even if you don't realise it. How you are puts me of a friendship, let alone anything else. So what I meant when I titled this blog 'time' was it's weird how much has changed within those two weeks, how just a little bit of time can change something quite dramatically. This is what truly scares me. I've just finished my first year of college and the next step is Uni or not Uni. All my life I've always chosen the path of University but at those moments in my life I didn't actually have to worry about it so of course I was going to say I would go and I want to go. But with university comes a lot of choices which is something I hate and will do anything to deter from. It all just sounds so scary and I just don't feel ready. But one thing is I want to promise myself something that I will get rid of my phobia because even that is getting in my way, how stupid it may sound to every one I tell it doesn't stop it from being there or being real. So I can't pee in public? I'm not ashamed if people know, I used to be embarrassed but why should I be, it's something I can't control and want to change. So in the next few weeks I need to get my act together and really focus on 'what's next' no time for just one step at a time I need to start thinking NOW. That is all for tonight, good night.